I don't very often get hatemail so when I do get it I get kind of excited and giddy. Then I'm immediately let down as I go to read it and am smacked in the face by a level of TheStupid™ so extreme that it lingers in the air around me for a few days. Everybody gives me odd looks and strange sideways glances as my brain slowly starts to reboot after having to dumb itself down to understand what the fuck you people are trying to tell me.
Lately, my little gems have been coming in the form of comments on this post where I talk about what a royal asstard Kathy Lee Gifford is. Today after receiving one of the more laughable comments I decided to see just why in the hell people were finding that post to pollute with bad grammar and completely OFF THE FUCKING WALL opinions and I realize that it's #3 on the third page of a google search for "Kathy Lee Hoda Kotb" and the #1 google search for "Kathy Lee Hoda Kotb dooce".
ANYWAY! You can go to the original blog post to see the entire comment but i actually stopped reading and only got as far as the quoted bit you see below:
Hoda & Kathy Lee Gifford. I love your show what I can stand on this site, is critical, negative, opionate people. Your doing your show and you have a right to practice free speech. If someone doesn’t like your show, or feels your both negative, or one talks more then the other then: CHANGE THE CHANNEL…AND DON’T WATCH THEM ANYMORE. IN AMERICA WE HAVE CHOICE. SO WHEN YOU PIC UP THE REMOTE, ITS UP TO YOU THAT YOU WATCH. ANNA’S EMAIL…IS REALLY RUDE AND YOUR A DISGRACE..AND NEED TO GET A LIFE.
DID YOUR BRAIN JUST EXPLODE!?
Normally I just chuckle and move on with my day but there was a certain amount of judgmental hypocrisy that HAD TO BE ADDRESSED. Like, please don't talk to me about the right to free speech as you are suppressing mine on MY OWN BLOG. They have a show where they are allowed to say whatever the hell they want, I have a site where I get to say whatever the hell I want. SIMPLE CONCEPT, RIGHT!?
My response:
1) I highly doubt that Hoda and Kathy read my site so you just wasted your time writing all that out.
2) It's a BLOG, not an EMAIL. MY SITE. THAT I PAY FOR. WITH MY OWN MONEY. Therefore, it's within my right of "free speech" to say what I choose, when I choose, how I choose, ON MY SITE. Hypocrisy: look it up.
3) I don't normally watch the show. It's painful to watch somebody as stupid as Kathy Lee try and interact with people, let alone hand out unsolicited advise, when she has less brain power than a retarded monkey.
4) I have a life. I write about it here on my blog that I pay for. You however, trolling google to look for sites to spam with your unbelievable rape of English grammar, writing out long comments to people who will never read them, are more likely to fall under the "get a life" insult tree.
Okay, a bit harsh but... *shrug* I've never been on to dumb stuff down, let alone sugar coat something so that your feelings don't get hurt when I respond to your BITCH comment on MY SITE.
She emailed me back with what turned out to be the most fabulous heat mail I've ever received in my entire six years of blogging:
No...you got believe me. 1) I got better things to do with my money then to spend them on blogs...believe me. 2) You probally spend all day, and tons to money doing this. Wasting your brain away in front of a computer. 3) Your filled with hatred and bitterness..I actually feel sorry for ya. 4) If you didn't like Kathy Lee then why did ya EVER, EVEN WATCH THE SHOW. WHO'S THE DUMMY NOW...U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5) YOUR BLOCKED. I DON'T READ BLOGS AS A RULE, AND I DON'T SPEND MY LIFE, MY DAYS ON THE COMPUTER. THERE'S MORE TO LIFE, ... AND IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ONE. 6) YOUR A VIRUS...THIS WORLD OR THE INTERNET COULD DO WITHOUT. 7) FIND GOD, AND SEE A THERAPIST FOR THE HATERED AND BITTERNESS YOU HAVE IN YOUR HEART...!!
Most. Awesome. Hatemail. EVER.
I could go on and on about just how awesome it is, particularly #7 which was just, COMEDIC GOLD! There is nothing I love more than GodPeople telling me I need to find God in the midst of trying to insult me. Thank you, ma'am, for giving me one more bit of ammunition to use the next time I get the opportunity to blow holes into a religious "we are so righteous" debate.
My answer:
1) And see, I have plenty of money to spend on stuff like websites. All $15 a year it costs to run Aflux. BIG MONEY!
2) Also, no, I don't spend all day on the site. I haven't posted in almost a month for Christ's sake. Also, I work at a highly prestigious University Hospital, so I have better things to do during the day than troll and spam websites. You on the other hand should consider spending your days in front of the computer learning basic language skills. Such as the difference between your and you're. People tend to take you much more seriously when you present an opinion that doesn't sound like it came from a 14 year old hammered it out on a cell phone.
3) Filled to the brim, baby.
4) If you took the time to READ THE POST, you'd see I watched ONLY because I wanted to see Heather Armstrong interviewed.
5) You DO read blogs, you read MINE TODAY and then called it an EMAIL because you're too much of a dumbass to know what the hell you're looking at.
6) 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110101 01110011
7) God doesn't exist, I have seen a therapist, and I like that hate and bitterness in my heart. It makes it easier to deal with weak minded God loving morons like you.
So I just want to give a big shout out to Lorraine Snow (snowsky1@yahoo.com) for helping me break up was turning out to be a rather boring, hot Monday and giving me a good chuckle. You rock.
Title Quote: Mahatma Gandhi
I have 23 17 remaining YouTube RealTime invites. What is that? You can read about it here: link
It basically makes YouTube finally move more into the realm of social networking. You can see which of your friends are online, what they are watching, when they have faved something, etc. From what I can tell these invites are still pretty exclusive so if you are as addicted to TheTube as I am all you have to do is comment here, add me as a friend on YouTube (YouTube only allows friends to be given invites) and I'll get you the invite.
Hope you all are having a great weekend! :)
I have 23 remailing YouTube RealTime invites. What is that? You can read about it here: link
It basically makes YouTube finally move more into the realm of social networking. You can see which of your friends are online, what they are watching, when they have faved something, etc. From what I can tell these invites are still pretty exclusive so if you are as addicted to TheTube as I am all you have to do is comment here, add me as a friend on YouTube (YouTube only allows friends to be given invites) and I'll get you the invite.
Hope you all are having a great weekend! :)
I don't very often get hatemail so when I do get it I get kind of excited and giddy. Then I'm immediately let down as I go to read it and am smacked in the face by a level of TheStupid™ so extreme that it lingers in the air around me for a few days. Everybody gives me odd looks and strange sideways glances as my brain slowly starts to reboot after having to dumb itself down to understand what the fuck you people are trying to tell me.
Lately, my little gems have been coming in the form of comments on this post where I talk about what a royal asstard Kathy Lee Gifford is. Today after receiving one of the more laughable comments I decided to see just why in the hell people were finding that post to pollute with bad grammar and completely OFF THE FUCKING WALL opinions and I realize that it's #3 on the third page of a google search for "Kathy Lee Hoda Kotb" and the #1 google search for "Kathy Lee Hoda Kotb dooce".
ANYWAY! You can go to the original blog post to see the entire comment but i actually stopped reading and only got as far as the quoted bit you see below:
Hoda & Kathy Lee Gifford. I love your show what I can stand on this site, is critical, negative, opionate people. Your doing your show and you have a right to practice free speech. If someone doesn’t like your show, or feels your both negative, or one talks more then the other then: CHANGE THE CHANNEL…AND DON’T WATCH THEM ANYMORE. IN AMERICA WE HAVE CHOICE. SO WHEN YOU PIC UP THE REMOTE, ITS UP TO YOU THAT YOU WATCH. ANNA’S EMAIL…IS REALLY RUDE AND YOUR A DISGRACE..AND NEED TO GET A LIFE.
DID YOUR BRAIN JUST EXPLODE!?
Normally I just chuckle and move on with my day but there was a certain amount of judgmental hypocrisy that HAD TO BE ADDRESSED. Like, please don't talk to me about the right to free speech as you are suppressing mine on MY OWN BLOG. They have a show where they are allowed to say whatever the hell they want, I have a site where I get to say whatever the hell I want. SIMPLE CONCEPT, RIGHT!?
My response:
1) I highly doubt that Hoda and Kathy read my site so you just wasted your time writing all that out.
2) It's a BLOG, not an EMAIL. MY SITE. THAT I PAY FOR. WITH MY OWN MONEY. Therefore, it's within my right of "free speech" to say what I choose, when I choose, how I choose, ON MY SITE. Hypocrisy: look it up.
3) I don't normally watch the show. It's painful to watch somebody as stupid as Kathy Lee try and interact with people, let alone hand out unsolicited advise, when she has less brain power than a retarded monkey.
4) I have a life. I write about it here on my blog that I pay for. You however, trolling google to look for sites to spam with your unbelievable rape of English grammar, writing out long comments to people who will never read them, are more likely to fall under the "get a life" insult tree.
Okay, a bit harsh but... *shrug* I've never been on to dumb stuff down, let alone sugar coat something so that your feelings don't get hurt when I respond to your BITCH comment on MY SITE.
She emailed me back with what turned out to be the most fabulous heat mail I've ever received in my entire six years of blogging:
No...you got believe me. 1) I got better things to do with my money then to spend them on blogs...believe me. 2) You probally spend all day, and tons to money doing this. Wasting your brain away in front of a computer. 3) Your filled with hatred and bitterness..I actually feel sorry for ya. 4) If you didn't like Kathy Lee then why did ya EVER, EVEN WATCH THE SHOW. WHO'S THE DUMMY NOW...U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5) YOUR BLOCKED. I DON'T READ BLOGS AS A RULE, AND I DON'T SPEND MY LIFE, MY DAYS ON THE COMPUTER. THERE'S MORE TO LIFE, ... AND IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ONE. 6) YOUR A VIRUS...THIS WORLD OR THE INTERNET COULD DO WITHOUT. 7) FIND GOD, AND SEE A THERAPIST FOR THE HATERED AND BITTERNESS YOU HAVE IN YOUR HEART...!!
Most. Awesome. Hatemail. EVER.
I could go on and on about just how awesome it is, particularly #7 which was just, COMEDIC GOLD! There is nothing I love more than GodPeople telling me I need to find God in the midst of trying to insult me. Thank you, ma'am, for giving me one more bit of ammunition to use the next time I get the opportunity to blow holes into a religious "we are so righteous" debate.
My answer:
1) And see, I have plenty of money to spend on stuff like websites. All $15 a year it costs to run Aflux. BIG MONEY!
2) Also, no, I don't spend all day on the site. I haven't posted in almost a month for Christ's sake. Also, I work at a highly prestigious University Hospital, so I have better things to do during the day than troll and spam websites. You on the other hand should consider spending your days in front of the computer learning basic language skills. Such as the difference between your and you're. People tend to take you much more seriously when you present an opinion that doesn't sound like it came from a 14 year old hammered it out on a cell phone.
3) Filled to the brim, baby.
4) If you took the time to READ THE POST, you'd see I watched ONLY because I wanted to see Heather Armstrong interviewed.
5) You DO read blogs, you read MINE TODAY and then called it an EMAIL because you're too much of a dumbass to know what the hell you're looking at.
6) 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110101 01110011
7) God doesn't exist, I have seen a therapist, and I like that hate and bitterness in my heart. It makes it easier to deal with weak minded God loving morons like you.
So I just want to give a big shout out to Lorraine Snow (snowsky1@yahoo.com) for helping me break up was turning out to be a rather boring, hot Monday and giving me a good chuckle. You rock.
Title Quote: Mahatma Gandhi
Congrats, Ms Constantine! You won the signed copy of "It Sucked and Then I Cried"! I'll be emailing you in just a minute so that I can get it sent to you.
Make sure you all check out her Etsy store that has ADORABLE necklaces, earrings and rings. I'm thinking about getting a piece of her jewelry for the next giveaway. Or possibly a gift certificate for her store and the winner can pick what they want? We'll see!
PUPPY UPDATES TOMORROW! :)
I discovered dooce.com and Heather Armstrong the day she posted the photo of Leta's birth. That one small post captured me and I spent the next several days between work and home life reading the blog from the very beginning. I loved every single post. I'd never thought going forward from there that her writing would effect me as much as it did.
When she started suffering from depression, and OPENLY wrote about it, I would read the posts and say WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HEAD!? The words she spoke, the symptoms she had, the feelings that she was expressing, they were all things I had felt, suffered, hid and ran from for much longer than I can remember. There have been times that I've started to feel that way again, and I go back and read those posts and they somehow remind me of how far I've come since then, and that there is always light on the other side of that dark, deep tunnel of despair.
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I know that I'm not the only person she's touched with her writing so when I went to her reading and signing for It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita I immediately thought of getting a second copy to give away here. I know that quite a few of my readers have had similar experiences with the disease and if reading her thoughts has helped any of you as much as it's helped me, I think you will appreciate this book.
The book itself is basically passages pulled straight from her blog, although some of them seem to have been expounded on a bit. Now I have a convenient, hard back covered way to read through these passages while sitting on the toilet trying to get five minutes of peace from the ALWAYS TALKING NEVER STOPPING ten year old.
AND! YOU CAN TOO!
I'm giving away a signed copy to one of you. All you have to do is comment here and say hi, tell me about your experience with depression, just say I WANT THE BOOK, or take a few minutes to tell me how awesome I am. I don't really care what the comment says, you just have to get one in to enter and use a VALID EMAIL ADDRESS so I have a way to contact you. You have till next Wednesday, April 8th at midnight to enter. I will write down the name of all the commenters (one entry per person), put them into a hat and pull one out. Seems more fun than those silly randomizer things. I'll made a video of it or something too just to make it MORE EXCITING! I'll post the winner Thursday or Friday so make sure to check back then.
Also, if you'd like to tell others about the contest, feel free just don't be spammy about it. Your blog readers and twitter followers will appreciate it.
So go forth! Comment! Enter! Discuss! AWAY!
People Updates:
- I have a very small hairline fracture on my ankle. That in itself isn't painful. The severe sprain has me still limping around in a brace over a week later. I wish there was some awesome story or explanation how I was doing something REALLY COOL and REALLY FUN and REALLY NEAT but there isn't. I fell getting out of the truck. In front of people. Who just watched me fall, severely sprain my ankle, and fracture it a little, and then they all turned around and walked away. THE END!
- Cassidy is totally turning into a TWEEN. There are a lot of things I looked forward to when I became a mom... first steps, first words, first day of school, it was going to be all fun and smiles and swings and cartwheels. Then she turned 10 and was all HA HA JOKES ON YOU, SUCKER! There's too much to post about this under the scope of a single bullet. THE END!
- KC the cat and Hans are complete and total lazy asses. Hans spent ALL DAY SATURDAY on our bed asleep. KC hasn't moved off the same couch cushion in two days. THE END!
- Ben is the most patient, understanding, ball of fantastic ever to grace the face of our fine planet. And also, falling asleep next to his warm body is the highlight of my day. THE END!
House Updates:
- We ordered blinds from Home Depot. Yes, I own Home Depot a letter of apology. Six blinds to go on the upper windows all over the top of the living room. We also paid for installation because ladders, heavy awkward wooden blinds, and blond don't mix. I'm really excited for them to get here and be installed. They will help a lot with the sunlight that you can't escape in the afternoons and also keep the heat out some in the summer.
- We also have a quote from a landscaper to come in and fix some sprinklers and clean out the pond, install a new pump and get it all up and running again.
- We've been slowly cleaning out the yards. Trimming bushes, mowing lawns, cutting down trees, this list is really endless so I'll just stop there. It's looking good and will only be getting better as the weekends pass!
Misc Updates:
- I forgot to mention the severe hives attack I had for about two weeks. It sucked. I went an ENTIRE WEEK with ZERO wheat, the hives went away, I laid in the bed in a fetal position and cried. I've very slowly started introducing some back into my diet, but not much. MUCH less than I was eating before. Being allergic to wheat is about a fun as having your teeth knocked out one at a time. With a jackhammer.
- I have become slightly obsessed with YouTube. Specifically, makeup guru videos. I have a few favorites and I have a blog post half written to point you to some of the best ones. Also, I finally broke my six month No Makeup Buying Binge and got a few things. I also have a blog post partly written about that because I've found some AMAZING stuff for AMAZING deals and I want to share.
- If I were a teenage girl, I'd totally have a poster of Adam Lambert on my wall. Best Idol by far this season. He makes it seem as if singing is just... effortless. TEAM ADAM!
- If you haven't yet, check out Castle. Nathan Fillion is so awesome. I've had a nerd crush on him since I fell in love with Serenity and he's every bit as awesome in Castle.
- Heather Armstrong is going to be in Mountain View tomorrow and I've been trying to fit her book signing into my schedule but it's so late and 40 miles from home where I'll be then. It's only 12 miles from work but I'd have to find something to do for five hours before the signing. DILEMMA!
- I need to charge the DSLR batteries. For serious.
- THE END!
Reason #8,395: I love Ben.
Reason #7,666: I love Matt and want to adopt him as my official little brother.
Reason #5,387,798,477,265: Ben is going to eventually snap and kill my official adopted little brother, Matt.
Alternate title: Best video EVER!
Background: 5:00AM in the morning on a Friday. Ben stayed the night at Matt's so they could leave for the mountain to go skiing first thing in the morning. Ben is not a morning person. Matt is insane.
Reason #8,395: I love Ben.
Reason #7,666: I love Matt and want to adopt him as my official little brother.
Reason #5,387,798,477,265: Ben is going to eventually snap and kill my official adopted little brother, Matt.
Alternate title: Best video EVER!
Background: 5:00AM in the morning on a Friday. Ben stayed the night at Matt's so they could leave for the mountain to go skiing first thing in the morning. Ben is not a morning person. Matt is insane.
So, I got a Flip Mino HD for Christmas/Valentines Day/our Anniversary. *shakes fist at mortgage payment* So far I've just been filming silly little things here and there. Cassidy at dinner the other night, a rainbow on the commute home yesterday, etc.
The eventual plan is to start getting more into the vlogging thing because it's fun, I like the "face to face"-ness of it more than reading and because it's something new to learn. Mostly for that last reason. I need challenge, having to learn things, exploring new applications, completely fucking things up so that I end up cussing at the screen then crying then eating a quart of ice cream and then starting all over again. It's a cycle that my thighs hate but my brain loves. Actually, so far my brain really hates Adobe After Effects but it's really loving Premier Pro so I guess somewhere along the way it evens out.
Anyway, I sat down the other day to start REALLY trying to figure AE out and I at least got a really VERY VERY simple little title sequence done. I added it to the beginning and end of this video of the rainbow I mentioned before.
I clearly have a LONG way to go in the eye candy department and I'm not really sure what realm of vlogging I'm going to get into. I don't have the energy or patience for a daily show type of thing, but I do have a strong narcissistic urge to make you all have to look at me when I'm talking to you so I'll just leave it at that and see where things take me.
